Left-handed life

I fell down. In medical terms, I had a “foosh”.  I tripped on a branch and Fell On an Out-Stretched Hand. When I hit the ground I heard a crunch and felt the fury of a million minions stabbing me in the wrist.

The ER staff confirmed the crunch was, in fact, the sound of breaking bones. They put me in a cast up to my armpit and referred me to an orthopedist. The orthopedist took one look at the X-rays and sent me to a hand & wrist specialist.  The specialist gravely informed me that surgery was the best option for a successful recovery. Consequently, I am now the proud owner of a titanium plate and 6 screws in my wrist.  I am compelled to navigate the rest of my summer with my non-dominant, left hand.

I found a few hacks online for coping with one limb but there have been many daily tasks for which I’ve needed to design my own strategies.

Here are tips from others:

Buy a cast cover instead of wrestling with plastic bags for showering. After the cast comes off, you will be prepared should you every encounter an elephant needing a condom.

cast cover

An electric toothbrush is easier and more effective than using a standard toothbrush. Floss picks are very handy.

Pump bottles for shampoo, conditioner and lotion are easier to use than squeeze containers.

Wear slip-on shoes wherever possible. Elastic laces convert sport shoes to slip-ons.

Ask the pharmacist for a few non-childproof pill bottles.

Here are some hacks I developed:

Showering is awkward but drying off is the true challenge.  If you lay a towel on the bed, lie down and flop around, you’ll get all of the tricky spots you can’t otherwise reach.

Reaching your armpit on the working side is awkward. Roll on deodorant in a taller bottle is an easier reach and requires less pressure.

Flushable wipes.  Enough said.

If you need to chop or slice, large clothespins can secure foods that might otherwise fly across the kitchen.  A non-skid mat under a plate or cutting board also helps.  Better yet, spend a little extra and buy food already prepared.

handy                                        clamp

Salad can be eaten with a spoon.

PULL the grocery cart.

Left handed scissors and ergonomic pens are a worthwhile investment.

lefty

Children’s handwriting workbooks can be found at the dollar store.  A few minutes of practice every day go a long way in developing your non-dominant penmanship.

workbooks

Your working hand will ache. Relieve cramps by rolling it on a firm rubber ball and stretch it often.

Folding and hanging can take a vacation.  It’s OK to live out of your laundry basket.  Use hooks instead of  clothes hangers.

hooks

For those who wear earrings and bras:

Clip-on earrings are worth the discomfort.

Pre-hook your bra and step into it, wear a stretchy sports bra or just let the girls roam free.



As much of an inconvenience as this has been, it has been merely that-inconvenient.

I am fortunate to have helpful family and friends. I have health insurance. I have access to competent medical professionals. I’ve avoided suffering thanks to effective pain medicine (appropriately taken).

I have, out of necessity slowed down. I am more deliberate and mindful.  I no longer take opposable thumbs for granted.

In retrospect, I didn’t trip.  God pushed me.   It’s the only way I’d learn.

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In support of thorough market research

Seems there were no Charlton Heston fans, sci fi fans or even baby boomers consulted during the naming of this  product.

Let’s hope they don’t come out with a green smoothie flavor.

Soylent

A Rude Awakening

At “you’ve-got-to-be kidding-me” o’clock a.m., I was awakened by the wheezy cough of my beloved cat.  She often just clears her throat but this time she was really trying to work something out of her system.  I flailed my leg around the bed to be sure she was on the wood floor, which is way easier to clean up than my bedding.  I thought about getting up right then to take care of it, but my bed held me hostage.

hairball

When my alarm went off at the civilized hour of 7:00 a.m., I fumbled for my glasses and sat up to scan the floor before stepping out of bed.  Stepping in cold cat puke first thing in the morning will make the rest of your day better by comparison, but I’d already learned that lesson a few months ago.

I saw nothing.  I turned on my light and kept looking.  Nada.  Gingerly, I got up and looked to see if she had made her deposit under my bed.  Zilch.

I could have sworn the sound came from my bedroom, but maybe she was in the bathroom. Nope, nothing there either.

Maybe I dreamed the entire thing.  I cannot find any evidence of her tummy upset.

Now I’m paranoid that my bare foot will find it at some inopportune moment.  I am still waiting to find that elusive hard boiled Easter egg  my ex or I hid about 10 years ago.

Perhaps something similar inspired Frank Herbert to say, “The mystery of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to experience.”

 

 

The Money Pit- Part II

garage door

My garage door had been very uncooperative.  It would get stuck.  It refused to obey the car remote. It made noises.

I did my YouTube and WikiHow research and tried all of the suggested fixes.  Finally  I surrendered and called the repair guy.  I chose this one because I had a coupon for a free service call.

Garage door guy arrives at 11:06 am.  At 11:07am he’s done and hands me the bill for $79.95.  Apparently, there were a few cobwebs over one of the sensors which threw off its delicate sensing abilities.

I handed the guy my coupon and he said, “Oh that only applies if we have to replace parts.”

I wonder if it’s cheaper to get a bug guy to get rid of the spiders?

The Money Pit, Part I

I have a new hair stylist I like very much.  When he finished my haircut yesterday he applied some manner of goop and then spritzed and sprayed, all the while extolling the virtues of a lovely smelling new product line he was using.  The products are all natural, locally sourced (from Italy, no less) and manufacturing is carbon neutral.  The business is family owned and the majority of the employees are under served women.

After he finished, my hair looked (and smelled) great. Priding myself as a savvy and responsible consumer, I never buy hair stuff at salons because I think they are over priced.  But I got caught up in the moment and decided I needed to help save the planet.  So I bought a bottle of texturizing sea salt spray, designed to give my hair that “beachy look” (whatever that is–I live 1000 miles from the nearest coast).

That will be $28, thank you very much.

This morning I finished my shower and opened my miracle product.

hair spray

It’s nothing but salt water.

Granted, it is in a lovely spray bottle and came beautifully wrapped.

But still, it’s just very pricey brine.

Savvy consumer indeed.

 

 

 

Truth in advertising

I have thoroughly compared these cartons and I cannot see why the ones on the left have 40 more calories than their neighbors to the right. How long  have I been unknowingly snarfing unreported calories?

However, being a trusting soul, I still believe the cartons reflect the truth.

I bought all of the remaining 280s.

IMG_20180613_175456451

The could-have-been-oh-so- humiliating holiday letter

 

card

 

This year my holiday message was brief. On the back of the family picture, I wrote 2 sentence blurbs about each child.  About myself, I stated that I was still employed and in my free time enjoyed volunteering in the community, including my local pubic radio station.

Let this be a lesson and cautionary tale about not putting all one’s faith in spell check.

I count it as a Christmas miracle that I caught the omission before the envelopes were sealed.