A Rude Awakening

At “you’ve-got-to-be kidding-me” o’clock a.m., I was awakened by the wheezy cough of my beloved cat.  She often just clears her throat but this time she was really trying to work something out of her system.  I flailed my leg around the bed to be sure she was on the wood floor, which is way easier to clean up than my bedding.  I thought about getting up right then to take care of it, but my bed held me hostage.


When my alarm went off at the civilized hour of 7:00 a.m., I fumbled for my glasses and sat up to scan the floor before stepping out of bed.  Stepping in cold cat puke first thing in the morning will make the rest of your day better by comparison, but I’d already learned that lesson a few months ago.

I saw nothing.  I turned on my light and kept looking.  Nada.  Gingerly, I got up and looked to see if she had made her deposit under my bed.  Zilch.

I could have sworn the sound came from my bedroom, but maybe she was in the bathroom. Nope, nothing there either.

Maybe I dreamed the entire thing.  I cannot find any evidence of her tummy upset.

Now I’m paranoid that my bare foot will find it at some inopportune moment.  I am still waiting to find that elusive hard boiled Easter egg  my ex or I hid about 10 years ago.

Perhaps something similar inspired Frank Herbert to say, “The mystery of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to experience.”



The Money Pit- Part II

garage door

My garage door had been very uncooperative.  It would get stuck.  It refused to obey the car remote. It made noises.

I did my YouTube and WikiHow research and tried all of the suggested fixes.  Finally  I surrendered and called the repair guy.  I chose this one because I had a coupon for a free service call.

Garage door guy arrives at 11:06 am.  At 11:07am he’s done and hands me the bill for $79.95.  Apparently, there were a few cobwebs over one of the sensors which threw off its delicate sensing abilities.

I handed the guy my coupon and he said, “Oh that only applies if we have to replace parts.”

I wonder if it’s cheaper to get a bug guy to get rid of the spiders?

The Money Pit, Part I

I have a new hair stylist I like very much.  When he finished my haircut yesterday he applied some manner of goop and then spritzed and sprayed, all the while extolling the virtues of a lovely smelling new product line he was using.  The products are all natural, locally sourced (from Italy, no less) and manufacturing is carbon neutral.  The business is family owned and the majority of the employees are under served women.

After he finished, my hair looked (and smelled) great. Priding myself as a savvy and responsible consumer, I never buy hair stuff at salons because I think they are over priced.  But I got caught up in the moment and decided I needed to help save the planet.  So I bought a bottle of texturizing sea salt spray, designed to give my hair that “beachy look” (whatever that is–I live 1000 miles from the nearest coast).

That will be $28, thank you very much.

This morning I finished my shower and opened my miracle product.

hair spray

It’s nothing but salt water.

Granted, it is in a lovely spray bottle and came beautifully wrapped.

But still, it’s just very pricey brine.

Savvy consumer indeed.




Truth in advertising

I have thoroughly compared these cartons and I cannot see why the ones on the left have 40 more calories than their neighbors to the right. How long  have I been unknowingly snarfing unreported calories?

However, being a trusting soul, I still believe the cartons reflect the truth.

I bought all of the remaining 280s.


The could-have-been-oh-so- humiliating holiday letter




This year my holiday message was brief. On the back of the family picture, I wrote 2 sentence blurbs about each child.  About myself, I stated that I was still employed and in my free time enjoyed volunteering in the community, including my local pubic radio station.

Let this be a lesson and cautionary tale about not putting all one’s faith in spell check.

I count it as a Christmas miracle that I caught the omission before the envelopes were sealed.